1. The "Friendly's Scoop" show he does sponsored by local ice cream store, Friendly's, weekly on FSN. Why don't you take your Friendly's scoop and use it to pinch hit for you next time theres a baserunner, or throw it at those weak ass ground balls to first you constantly miss? (This one isn't very logical, I know, but I'm pretty pissed)
2. The argument I've heard all year is "but Kevin is such a great influence in the dugout... he's great with the other players..." THEN LEAVE HIM IN THE FUCKIN DUGOUT NEXT TIME YOUR TEAM TAKES THE FIELD.
3. Start playing Youkilis and Olerud more at first. A because they're both simply better options, and secondly because maybe a older player with a time bomb in his head and a young wonderjew from Pawtucket taking his playing time will light a fire under his ass and he'll start hitting.
4. Trade him for a bag of Fritos.
5. Throw him a bottle of Jack Daniels and tell him to drink up before the game, if the rumors are true it worked wonders in the ALCS last year. While you're at it, give David Wells a couple shots of the shit too. (Wells, to the ignorant, is fatter than a keg and probably has more alcohol inside him too)
Thats it. I'm not very happy with you right now, Kevvie. You can still come over tonight and watch your episode of Queer Eye For The Straight Guy with me though, my mom's making smores.